"Did
you say, 'incapable of learning’?” I queried. "Yes," she responded,
and proceeded to mouth paragraphs of jargon, which my confused brain was
powerless to comprehend let alone translate.
Stupefied,
near panic, I fought for coherent thought. Slowly, however, a heat began to
rise from my trip-hammering heart and to suffuse my face. Rage replaced terror.
"Incapable
of learning?" I cried! "Incapable?" I repeated loudly. "How
can you say that? How can you doom a child of three years of age to that kind
of diagnosis? He taught himself the alphabet at two! How can you say
that?" I raged.
I
have to admit that there were times when I believed I was either unable to
understand what was going on in my son's little head or reluctant to admit that
there was a problem, but this I knew: Chris could learn. He had indeed taught
himself the alphabet. I had purchased a wooden alphabet puzzle in lower case
letters. Christopher would bring them up to me, one-by-one, and I would say,
for instance, "a - apple." It didn't take me long to realize that he
was actually learning the alphabet.
Then,
I purchased an additional puzzle with upper case letters. Sure enough, within a
week, Chris was able to bring me the “a” or the “d” or the “m.” I would
designate the big A or the little c and he was correct every time.
Of
course, I realize that I was teaching him. But, the "game" was
started by Chris, and it demonstrated a desire on his part to know, a wish to
learn. This initiation on his part was indeed a form of self-teaching. Chris
made the move. Chris wanted to know.
Incapable
of learning! As my mother used to say, "bull hockey!" I thought of my
friend Sue and her daughter Gretchen. Born with Williams Syndrome, Gretchen was
an adorable, pixyish young woman with a sweetness of soul that made her a joy
to know. At birth, Sue was told that Gretchen would never be able to dress,
feed, or take care of herself. Sue had refused to believe it, and proceeded to
patiently teach her daughter as she would any child. The end result was a
charming young woman, who admittedly was mentally challenged, but was happy,
had friends, married, and held down a full time job, far from the diagnosis her
mother was given at the time of Gretchen's birth.
"Where
are the people who know where the people are?"
Joan Plowright
as Eva Krichinsky Avalon 1990
written and
directed by Barry Levinson
I removed Chris
from the school and entered him into a church-run pre-school. Chris began to
show progress. It was in Pre-Kindergarten that an inability to focus caused his
teachers to mention the possibility of Central Auditory Processing Disorder.
CAPD affects the ability to process what you hear. I set up an appointment
immediately to have him tested. The results were negative. Chris passed with
flying colors.
Next
came testing for Attention Deficit Disorder. Although diagnosed with ADD, none
of the medications, covering everything from Adderall to Welbuterin, had any
effect whatsoever.
More
years passed and still we tried to understand Chris' particular issues.
Aspberger's was mentioned as well as epilepsy. We didn't know where to turn
until, finally, an educator suggested we take Chris to a neurological
psychologist. Chris was diagnosed with ADD, Dysgraphia, Working Memory Deficit
and Executive Function Deficit.
Dysgraphia
is a neurological disorder, which interferes with the fine motor skills needed
in the physical act of writing. For instance, when Chris puts pen or pencil to
paper, some letters will "float": they will be too high or too low,
and his penmanship is generally too large or too small, and very difficult to
read. In addition, because it is so difficult, Chris cannot write his thoughts
with as much fluidity as he can when dictating or typing.
He
used to confuse some words, using "tell" instead of "ask,"
and "never" instead of "ever," and had trouble tying his
shoes, but though hard work on his part, these issues have been resolved.
Math
is problematic still because of difficulty in seeing the numbers in columns and
graph paper is used to help his eyes see the columns of numbers.
Working
Memory Deficit affects short-term memory, and Executive Function Deficit can
manifest in problems with test taking.
At
last, we had a diagnosis. It was not easy to accept, but coping strategies have
been taught to help Chris learn, and that is the key word! Learn! Yes, he does
learn!
Learning
Differences - Not Learning Disabilities
You are a
beautiful cookie jar, full of the most delectable cookies.
We just need to learn how to get the lid off to enjoy them!
Christopher has
worked hard to overcome his learning differences - yes, differences. It isn't
that he is not able to learn, he simply learns differently.
We
have worked with our son by being active in his school work, at school and at
home. When necessary, tutors are hired.
Chris
plays guitar and is now the proud owner of an acoustic, six string electric and
a bass guitar, a classical Gibson and a mandolin. He plays excellently after a
mere eight months of lessons. Chris wants a harp guitar. I told him, “when our
ship comes in, honey.”
Chris
is an excellent swimmer, gardener, is becoming an accomplished cook and is
working with me on a cookbook.
When
Chris finished the ninth grade with glowing reports, not one teacher referenced
focusing problems. A master speller and a budding essayist and poet, Chris has
received excellent grades in his written assignments, which are typed. The
following is from his teacher Megan Mosholder: "Chris, you are receiving
the passing grade of Exceeds Expectations. Wow, Chris! Excellent job on this
class! I am so glad you were able to figure out what works best for you because
you have really excelled. I think that you did a great job on your sketchbook
and I think the drawings you created in class were also really good. You have
shown to me how well you can do when you put your mind to it. Oh, and you also
did an excellent job on those reading assignments. Nice work, kid! I very much
hope that I have the opportunity to work with you next year."
In
addition, this was the year Chris’ second book, a memoir titled Just Chris
was accepted by a traditional publishing house.
I
think back and can't help but send out a thank you prayer to my friend Sue,
whose example helped me to help my son. She taught me to listen to my heart, to
believe in my son and his abilities, and to trust in his desire to learn and to
grow.
Update
2014
Since first
writing this article, my son has accomplished many things. He is now a sought
after bass player and has been since age 16. He plays nine instruments. He
graduated high school and is now attending Columbus State.
In
2011 Chris was hired as a sushi chef. Trained by a master, he is highly
respected both for his artistry and his work ethic.
His
memoir Just Chris, a companion book to my Son of My Soul - The
Adoption of Christopher, has been a best seller on Amazon many times.
Update
2016
Chris now attends college majoring in photography. He is an A and B student. We recently received word that he is a finalist in a photography contest for college students.
Guess that tight ol’ lid on the cookie
jar finally came off! Oh, and he can tie his shoes.
A
small note: it was during first grade when we noticed that Chris had trouble
reading. He was way behind most of his other classmates. I had volunteered to
tutor the children and it soon became clear that there was an issue. Mark saved
the day with an idea so simple, yet so genius, that I have to share. He turned
on the captioning on the TV. That’s it. That’s all he did, and Chris was
reading within a few weeks.
To learn more about Christopher and our family, take a look at my latest book, Swinging Bridge.
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