Is this a Test, or an Act of Betrayal?

Recently my doctor informed me that I am a walking time bomb. I have cirrhosis, caused by a faulty enzyme which prohibits my liver from ridding my body of excess iron. The condition which causes this anomaly is called Hemochromatosis, and is an inherited disease of the blood found in persons of northern European descent. I’m 57% Irish. Here is my story:

My first memory of Michael, or Mikha’el, is at age two. Some would call him my guardian angel; others may call him a spirit or guide. Regardless of our relationship, he has been with me my entire 64 years of this lifetime. Yes, this lifetime; I remember four previous existences.

In 1812, I died at age 16 from an act of betrayal. In 1890 at 18 from, yes, an act of betrayal and in 1862 in my late 20s or early 30s  by the same act. I also lived in the 1930s and died as a young woman, but have not yet been able to dredge up the specifics of that lifetime.

So here I am again. Born in 1952, I almost died as a six-month fetus when my mother caught on fire while pregnant for me, at two months from a fractured skull, and again at four months for the same reason. At age 24 I actually died from a bleed out caused by multiple stomach ulcers, and almost died in 2012 from cirrhosis caused by my disease, and again in 2013 of the same cause. Each time I obviously survived, but now at 64, I’m told that I could die any day.

Back to Mikha’el. I have understood since age two that I would live this lifetime into my nineties. It was a promise made to me, a promise which I understood and embraced even at such a young age, and I have lived my life accordingly by planning for a long life, both spiritually and financially. Now it looks like that promise is about to be taken back.

As stated above, I have lived three, and possibly four, past lifetimes wherein I died by betrayal. In this lifetime, I have once again faced the same challenge as in the past, this time at the hands of my parents. But in this life, I have survived it, risen above it, and turned my life around to one of contentment and even happiness, and herein lies my question.

What do you believe? Has the universe, in effect, betrayed me and changed the span of my life, or do you believe that this is yet another challenge? That is, do you believe that the Universe is testing me, or honing me by giving me this task as perhaps an act of faith in the attempt to strengthen my soul and prepare it for my next journey?

Before you answer, I would like to share one more thing with you. I have prophetic dreams, and a few weeks ago, this is what was sent to me:

I was standing on a curb preparing to cross a very wide street. I backed up a couple of steps and leapt, legs horizontal to the ground or, in ballet terms, in a Grand Jeté. I’m exhillerated as I “fly” across the street to the curb on the opposite side, but land just a few feet short of my goal. It is then that I notice a friend standing on the curb. “You didn’t quite make it this time, Deb.” I smile, agree, and we begin to walk along the street, looking in various shop windows and talking.

So, what do you think? What is your opinion? Please no disrespectful replies. I am sincere and truly would like to know what you think: is this a test, or an act of betrayal?

Mama Told Me

Mama Told Me

Dizzy with despair, I fought for each breath. Deep within my breast, a terrible, throbbing ache replaced the gentle thump thump thump of a heart that, just a moment before, had been innocently anticipating a joyful reunion. My heart was broken, suddenly and without warning, and I was not sure how I was going to endure the hurt. So this is what they mean by heartache, I thought to myself with wonder.

I should have seen it coming! The warnings were there all along, but I, in love, had ignored the signals, the sign posts, the red, flashing lights which foretold the impending betrayal. I had blithely closed my eyes to the inevitable, and now I was paying for it.

What was it my mother said to me? During one of our infrequent late-night talks, Mom offered some advice. She counseled... "Beware of anyone who accuses you of doing something you would never do, would never dream of doing, and would never think of doing. They are judging you by their own standards, and eventually, you will see that they will do the very thing they accuse you of."

As she spoke, various acquaintances came to mind. There was Joy. Sweet, loving Joy, who expected everyone to be gentle, kind and honest. Karen, a person I avoided because of her tendency to take whatever she liked, and thus always accused others of stealing. Bob, who would tell a lie even if the truth were better, and believed that everyone was dishonest. Yes, I thought, realizing the truth of my mother's words, Mom is absolutely right!

Years later, however, wildly in love, my heart filled with romantic fantasies, I somehow forgot my mother's wise words of warning, and thought Terry was being romantic when he started accusing me of seeing other men. Trustingly, lovingly, I assured him that I was as true and loyal as any man could want. "Why would I see other men when I have the man all women desire?" I would smile, give him a warm, sensuous kiss, and dismiss the conversation as a sure sign that he was as in love as I.

I had always been a one-man woman. Intrigue, evoking jealousy, playing one man against the other, never appealed to me. Disliking games, I did not play them. I guess you can say I wore my heart on my sleeve, but that was me; being honest and open suited me. The thought of changing what was comfortable to my personal moral code never entered my mind, so when Terry began his accusations, I took them at face value. I believed he was afraid of losing a love as important to him as it was to me.

I remember – it was a Saturday. I rose early because I had extra errands to run that day. I also decided to do something I had previously never done: stop by Terry's house unannounced. The night before, Terry had broken our usual Friday night date. His mother was ill, he explained, and he wanted to spend the evening with her, get her any groceries she may need, and make sure she ate a good dinner. I was proud of Terry, anxious to see him and to inquire as to how his mother was doing. So, it was with happy anticipation that I knocked on his door.

I never got her name. I remember that she was beautiful, with long blonde hair. "Who are YOU?" she demanded. I stood there, in shock, unable to speak at first, finally mumbling, "I'm....I'm...Terry's girlfriend..."

A look of disdain crossed her lovely features. Turning her head, and looking over her shoulder, she called, "Terry! Here's another one!" Swiveling back, and looking me straight in the eye, she smirked, "He does this all of the time. Join the club, honey," and slammed the door.

At that moment, a searing pain filled my heart, and remained there for a long, long time. I don't know how I made it home. I only remember climbing the stairs to my room and falling upon my bed. Why didn't I listen, Mom? I wailed to myself. Why? I learned my lesson. To this day, I watch and pay attention to what people expect of others.

         I remember my mother's words, and use them as a compass in choosing those who will be a part of my life, and those who will not. If a friend charges others with being too kind, I embrace them; stealing, I guard my possessions; lying, I weigh their words; betrayal, I observe them closely. And I have told my son, "Beware of anyone who accuses you of doing something you would never do..."

Excerpt From Swinging Bridge

eBook Here